How To Create Rules That Actually Work
When you think of following the rules, does this feel negative or positive to you? I mostly think of being naughty when I’m breaking a rule, and that’s because rules are usually presented as negative.
So many rules are structured as negative that most of the time we don’t even notice they aren’t shown as a positive thing, even though they really are for the best.
Whether we’re a grown adult or a toddler, rules keep us safe and promote a healthy environment. If your child won’t eat their veggies, then there’s no dessert! That makes veggies feel negative, don’t you think?
How many rules can you think of that are negative? - Don’t do this! Don’t do that!It can feel like there’s too many to count!
So, how do we make rules...and better yet, following the rules, more fun?!
Ditch the ‘Don’t’‘Don't’ run in the house!’‘Don’t hit your sister!’‘Don’t forget your homework!’
Rephrase those rules to be given in a positive way? How about changing it to something like, ‘Walk in the house, please.’ or ‘Did you remember your homework?’
Research shows our brains disregard the first word and it’s shown that children usually remember the last word they hear…so if you say, ‘Don’t eat your boogers!’, they likely just hear the ‘eat your boogers’ part and go digging for gold!
Also, keep in mind that when you tell your kids what not to do… It leaves a big open space of all the things TO DO… They may not know which one you want them to do, so they stick with the last words they can recall… ‘eat your boogers.’
Aim to create rules for what you want and expect for your household and beyond.
Instead of angrily telling your child ‘Don’t pinch your classmate!’ you can calmly and respectfully set the rule for your home and beyond that states, ‘Respect personal space.’ Remember to use healthy language, tone and emotion to cement a positive growth mindset for your children surrounding rules.
Teach them how wonderful and useful the right set of positive rules can be!
Removing the word ‘don’t’ takes your words from blah to brilliant!It shifts the entire energy of the rule, which in turn makes it easier for your kiddo to assimilate and follow and it means they know what they are expected to do!
Do you see how a simple shift of words can create a whole new meaning to a task or question?
Kids want and need healthy, happy rules and boundaries. Rules not only keep us safe, but they provide much needed structure for growing minds.
When you take your words and change them into solution-based language, you empower your children (and yourself!) to make better choices, and all with a positive attitude.
It’s a win-win for everyone!
Kids Get Creative
Kids can help create the rules!
Not only does this encourage children to be themselves, it will help them to feel a sense of accomplishment and responsibility to follow them. It’s okay to work together to turn the suggestions of your children into positive/achievable rules. Having concise consequences outlined beforehand is also important and the kids are pretty good at creating their own consequences too.
For example, if Jenny doesn’t do her homework, she doesn’t get any tv time. If she knows in advance what will happen, it will help motivate her to follow through on following the rules she helped to create.
Rewards are also very motivational!Setting up a system that clearly outlines how the child will be rewarded for following certain guidelines can encourage positivity and success.
Write Them Down!
It helps to be able to clearly see exactly what rules your household has decided on. You can turn it into an art project and hang them on the wall when you're done!
If you make a policy at home, your child will tend to stick to that same set of rules outside the house. So if your little one is expected to be polite and kind at home, you’ll probably see that behaviour on the playground and at school… Bonus!
Be sure to set a proper number of rules.
Each age group of children will be able to understand and respect a different number and difficulty of rules.
Be certain there aren’t too many tough rules for your toddler, or too few rules for your tween to feel challenged.
“Principles and rules are intended to provide a thinking man with a frame of reference.”- Carl von Clausewitz
Learn How To Create Rules That Work
Xo Lisa oX
TL;DR?
Read the blog & find out how to create rules that really work
Watch the video to learn how to can create rules that work in your household
