How To Praise Your Child (And When Not To)!

As a parent, I am sure you might be thinking that praising your child for their innate skills improves their self-esteem. Well, you are right, it does.

However, praising your child for their inborn skills also encourages them to develop a fixed mindset as opposed to a growth mindset.  

What does this mean? 

A fixed mindset: A fixed mindset makes it more likely for your child to experience low self-esteem. 

Take for instance; you have been praising your daughter for being a mathematics genius. Such praise will make her believe that she is outstanding in mathematics and expect to get high grades in each test. 

Now, consider what happens when she fails in a mathematics test. She will automatically get into a crisis because she associates good grades with intelligence and poor grades with failure.  At this point, it is likely that your daughter will start perceiving herself as a failure making it highly possible she experiences low self-esteem. 

So, how do you praise your child? 

Instead of praising your child for their natural abilities, praise them for what they do. Praise the effort, hard work, strategies and courage that your child puts in to get the job done.  

When you praise the process, you provide an opportunity for your child to learn the importance of effort and hard work.  

Children who value effort develop a growth mindset that encourages learning and eventual success in life.  

How to encourage your child to develop a growth mindset: When your child scores a high grade in a mathematics test, for instance, don’t just tell them ‘you are a maths genius.’ Instead, say ‘well done, your effort and hard work in mathematics have paid off.’ Or ‘congratulations, your high score reflects all the time you spent studying mathematics.’  

In contrast, if your child fails in a mathematics test refrain from using discouraging words. Instead, give them confidence by saying ‘you are trying very hard, I am sure that there is another strategy that you can try.’  

Bottom line - Praising your child for what their effort and process promotes the development of a growth mindset that discourages giving up in the face of challenges.